Last Sunday (December 15) Ben decided to take Elena to see Santa at the mall. Some background on this: Elena is not generally a fan of sitting with Santa and has not successfully done it before. The only times we’ve tried has been me taking her, so Ben had not had the experience before. But Elena seemed like she wanted to try again this year, so Ben took her out with the plan to go see Santa and then to buy some presents. I stayed home with Zoe to get some things done around the house. I looked online and Santa started at 9, so they left around 10:30.
Below is an edited transcript of our thrilling and gripping text conversation about the event.
B: Santa does not start til 11.
S: Weird. It said 9. Is there a line?
B: Yes a Christmas Story line. We were just told Santa had an accident on the way here and might be 15 min late.
S: What are you going to do?
B: Wait in line. If we leave E Dubs [what we call Elena sometimes] will be sad. She is very excited.
S: Sorry. It was bound to be a long wait today.
B: The guy said the line has yet to be this long all season. We are not even in the queue. We are in the extended line.
S: F*** it does say 11. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was looking at. [In retrospect I don’t know why the start time would have made a difference.] He is there til 7 tonight. You could convince her to come back later?
B: Doubt it. She is pumped.
S: Sorry. Do you hate me and everything I stand for?
B: Nope. The good news – kids are not patient and some are getting out of line.
S: Hooray! They are my people. [I am not patient.]
B: She brought her bear so she has something to play with. [Santa] is here now.
S: He doesn’t have blood gushing from a head wound or anything does he?
S: That would make a better story. I hope he’s at least limping.
B: For some reason even though he is here more people are leaving.
B: We might have to eat lunch here.
S: I figured you would be eating there. No Chik Fil A today. Because God.
B: They would make a lot more money if it was not for him.
[Some unrelated discussion about the purchase of a box of chocolates.]
B: Santa only has one helper today. The helper is running his a** off though. A lot of kids here are dressed up in ugly Xmas outfits.
[Some unrelated discussion about our plans for the afternoon.]
B: The helper guy was just trying to teach a security guard how to help him do the job but another employee came in and the guard was happy he did not have to help.
S: Next year you can get a job as an elf.
B: Finally on the red carpet and making the last roundabout to Santa
S: Yay. Zoe’s been crying for about 30 minutes now.
B: I just told E Dubs imagine if Zoe were here she would be crying her eyes out waiting in line. Santa waved to E Dub and she said I guess he is not so scary anymore.
[Some unrelated discussion about how I’m never going to win a fitness competition if the baby keeps crying all the time and while I still have taste buds.]
B: Finally next.
[Some time passes.]
[Continued unrelated discussion about groceries, afternoon plans, etc. etc.]