The top five most disgusting things about being a parent of young children

I’ve recently had cause to consider my rankings of the five most disgusting things about having small children.

5. How everything is sticky all the time. In fairness this may be my husband’s fault.

4. Poopsplosions. What, you liked that little onesie? You didn’t feel like doing laundry this morning? You don’t want to remember to keep size appropriate spare clothes every place your child spends time? Tough.

3. Childbirth in general. Making a surprise early showing because it’s been 8 months since I’ve been through it and biology has already wired me such that I forgot how awful it was. Childbirth? I remember being in a hospital, and there was some pain, but there were also people bringing me dessert and I didn’t have to clean anything up. Sounds ok.

2. Being thrown up on. Or someone throwing up in your car, which counts as the same thing. Your kid is sick and crying and you can’t even hug them because ew.

1. When your kid poops on the tub. MIC DROP. Worst thing ever.


2 thoughts on “The top five most disgusting things about being a parent of young children

  1. The most disgusting this I have encountered in recent memory was last month when Will had the stomach bug. He seemed like he was recovering, and to keep him quiet while I finished a conference call, I allowed him to eat both fruit snacks and hershey’s kisses. HE WAS HUNGRY, what a good sign, I thought! Then, once the call was over, he gave me the signal that he might puke again. I brought the bucket to him and instead of going into the bucket, he went face down into the couch while puking. Face mf’in down. I think the bucket scared him, and maybe he thought if he just avoided the bucket he wouldn’t puke – I don’t know. But he covered himself, the blankets, and the cracks in the couch with puke. The best part was having to bathe him (because his entire head – I mean – I can’t even describe it) all the while knowing that the puke was just sitting on the couch, settling in. Longest day in a long time. Smelliest, too.

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